Mental Outlook

 I get asked all the time how I can be so positive with cancer. It's a question that confounds me. I guess I wonder why would I be down in the dumps? What good would that accomplish. Now that isn't to say I don't have moments when I get mad, sad, upset, irrational, and a whole gamut of other emotions. In my post last week I alluded to the fact that I was committed to not act like a fool once diagnosed. My mom fought Ovarian Cancer for 18 years and she had bad days but overall, I only saw the strong woman my mom was. If I had acted like a fool she would have been disappointed in me and I couldn't live with that!

So a positive mental outlook is what I have and what I can control. I can't control most of this journey with cancer but I can control how I act. I managed to teach for 5 years, full time in a classroom. During that time I tried to model things were good. Sometimes I would let my teammates know I wasn't feeling well, but overall, I put my head down and moved forward. I know that work gave me solace and a sense of purpose. It allowed me to rise above the cancer until March 2023. At that time I was really sick and in bad shape so I left teaching. I ended up taking disability retirement and that was a low point emotionally for me. I felt cancer had taken something I truly love! But I'm getting over it and finding a new sense of purpose slowly. I'm actually going to try subbing some. 

Most of the time, when I'm with the nurses or doctors I tend to be silly and funny. I like to lighten the situation. On treatment days I will crack jokes with the nurses. My doctors and I have a super good report. They know that I am super honest with how I'm feeling but I still aim to be positive. My reason for having this outlook is again- I can control how I view things- because there is so much in God's hands! 

I also deal with present. I don't what if myself to death and worry about the future. Dr. Pappa, a very wise oncologist, taught me to deal with one day at a time. And boy has that made a huge difference in my life!

 I will tell you there is one person whom I can't handle how she views my cancer. It's my mother in law. She is the sweetest and most caring person, but to her everything is over the top huge. I just can't handle that. Some things are dips in the road and nothing more. So we only tell her the important stuff that we tell the entire family. I also don't want her to stress and fret about me. She is a big, loving worrywart! 

I also want to address the word- sick. I cannot tell you how many times people have told me I'm sick because I have cancer. I don't feel that way. To me the word sick is for someone with flu, pneumonia, strep throat, etc. I have cancer but that doesn't make me sick. It presents challenges and yes there are times I am sick from treatment, but I view it as more of a chronic condition like my asthma. I don't walk around believing I'm sick. This can be hard for people to understand. I basically feel I have a condition that presents some challenges and that I have to live with. Beside if the zombies come I'll be okay- bad meat!! 

If you have a family or friend diagnosed with cancer follow their lead. Don't expect them to be always down. Laugh and cry with that person! When things are tough they may not want to talk to you but you can let them know you are there for them. If you have been diagnosed give yourself time to adjust to the new normal. Keep doing things that you love to do. If you need help finding a positive outlook, feel free to contact me. I'll be glad to help you. Remember that cancer is only one part of you- not your entire being!!